Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And then he peed in my hair
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