cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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