this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
