I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
