maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
