you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
