Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we made out on top of his cat.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
