I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
