Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
