currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
