I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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