you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i now understand why vodka
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
