i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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