Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
