then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
