She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
