She is in my trunk
there's paper in my vomit.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
