Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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