it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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