Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
