That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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