I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
