i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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