If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My liver just had a heart attack.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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