I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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