it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
