I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
