you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
