Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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