i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
