Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
