You know, be my cock's hype man.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
