Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
