Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
