I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
