I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
