shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
