wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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