I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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