Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
