i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
be right there i have to get my cape
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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