I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
