How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
