you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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