Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I puked a lego.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
