It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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