Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
