I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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