We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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