the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
as a side note pls kill me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Omg I joined a choir last night...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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