I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
